My Thoughts On Becoming Four

I have been a little more absent on the blog lately. As you know, we have been getting everything ready to add little Eliott to our family and so things have been busy. I have wanted to sit down and write about some of my feelings for most of this pregnancy, and for one reason or another, it just hasn't happened. So I thought I would take some time tonight to write about some of my thoughts on all of the change, even if it is just to be able to bottle this up and open it again on some rainy day five years down the line. 

These months have been filled with the wildest mix of emotions possible. I am sure that is only amplified by all of the lovely hormones that come with pregnancy. On any given day, I am filled with fear/doubts/mommy guilt, and also consumed with how blessed/excited I am with all of these changes.

I am guessing these are all normal feelings that come with second pregnancies (and so on). I worry that Logan won't get all of the attention he needs after the baby is here, and then I worry the same exact thing for the baby too. And then I am immediately so filled with excitement to finally get to witness the sibling bond that we have prayed to have the chance to see for so long.

Patience is also something I have struggled with, especially in these last couple weeks. I have to constantly remind myself of God's grace. The grace that He gives me when I am so undeserving, and the grace that Logan needs when we are both having a hard day. It is in that grace, that I am able to appreciate how much of a blessing this journey is. Being a mother is an opportunity that I hope to never take for granted. I hope to always appreciate this calling, and soak up every bit of grace that I need to let go of the harder days.

I used to wonder how I could possibly love another baby the way that I love Logan. I knew that all of the other moms that say your heart just grows, were right... but it was still difficult to imagine. Now that I have felt our littlest wiggle and kick, have heard his heart beating, and have grown to love him more every day, I know that my heart will never stop growing for these boys.

I didn't realize though, that this baby would make my love for Logan grow too. I have spent so much time looking at Logan's little grin, watching him sleep, listening to his toddler jokes, and soaking in all of his milestones during these months. It is something that I have always tried to do... appreciate the milestones and growth along the way, but I didn't realize that looking forward to this one's baby stages would make me appreciate these toddler and preschool days even more.

I can't wait to meet our sweet baby in just a couple weeks. I know that much like any stage of motherhood there will be hard days, but there will be good days too, and they far outweigh the hard ones. I am thankful that Dan chose to build this life with me, and works so hard to support his family.  I feel blessed to raise these sweet boys that God has given to us. We are eagerly waiting on the day that we become four.