You're Doing Just Fine.

I remember it being right around Logan's one year mark, when I started to feel a little more like myself again. I started to feel like even though being a mom was hard at times, I could do it. It might take a lot of coffee, prayer, and patience but I was going to be alright.

That same sense of I will make it has come up again over the past two weeks or so, when it comes to having both kids. The first few months after my boys were born were definitely "survival mode" for me. Figuring out things like nursing, sleep, and tending to their cries took priority over all of the regular things I had gotten so used to before they came along. Things like blogging, reading, hair and makeup, and drinking my coffee while it was warm, had taken the back burner for a while.

Last week I had a busy day of errands planned. We had a lot that had to get done and I was as well prepared as I could have been. I packed the diaper bag with snacks and plenty of diapers, wipes, extra clothes, and binkies. I had filled the sippy cups, and set all of our clothes out the night before. I was determined to tackle the day with as much patience and good attitude as I could muster.

The day went really well. The boys had been so well behaved for all of our errands. They got to play at an indoor playground for a while as their reward. After a fun afternoon of playing we had just one more stop... the grocery store. I should know better than to save the grocery store for last. Eliott was getting tired and a little fussy, but Logan continued to do an awesome job. After we finished up and had a cart full of the week's groceries, I told Logan that he could ride the horse ride (like a mini merry-go-round) outside of the grocery store, as a reward for sticking with me and keeping a good attitude. He asked if Eliott could ride too. Eliott has gone on this ride twice in the past. Both times Dan and I had been there to stand on each side in case he let go and we needed to catch him. He had held on tight both times, so I decided to let him try it even though I was the only adult there. BAD IDEA. The poor kid got all excited, threw both hands up in the air to celebrate, and fell to the center of the ride, slamming his head on one of the horses on the way down. The ride was still spinning as I tried to grab him from in between the horses. So I ended up stuck between the building and the ride, being dragged along by the horse, while trying to comfort my screaming baby. The people walking by were giving me looks, and I tried not to imagine what they were thinking. Thankfully, one of my best friends walked up with her little one, right as the ride ended, and gave me a big hug. She had only caught the end of the whole ordeal, but having someone that cared enough to stop and offer some encouragement meant so much.

That night I drove home feeling foolish, guilty, and like I most certainly do not have it together. But I think God gives us these reminders sometimes to keep us humble. They remind us that when you see a mom sweating her way through the grocery store with a screaming toddler, to simply ask if there is anything you can do to help. They remind us that we have all been there, and that we all need a little grace and understanding.

Just this morning, I had another one of these moments. I was feeling pretty good about getting the kids out of the house by 7:30am for Eliott's dr appointment. The boys were dressed and fed. I threw a scarf over leggings and a sweater. But the scarf even matched the outfit, so I was feeling like I did okay. Logan was again very well behaved during Eliott's appointment. (Though after the doctor left the room he did say, "Man, I thought he might keep talking FOREVER!!!"). I ran into the store after the appointment to grab a few things that I needed for the weekend. After I got back in the car, I re-adjusted my scarf only to look down and realize that Eliott hadn't eaten that granola bar as quickly as I thought he did. The second half of it had wound up ground into my scarf. I had been walking around with a sticky, mashed up granola bar plastered to my scarf all morning.

All this to say, that I am happy to be starting to feel a little more like myself most of the time anyway. But no matter how experienced a mom, we all still have those days when we need another mom to say, "Good job mama... you're doing just fine". Thankfully, I have an army of awesome mom friends, and my own mother and mother in law, that offer me that encouragement when I need it. If you are a mom that is having one of those days, know that tomorrow will be better, and you are doing just fine.