When The Truth Isn't Pretty & The Grace To Deal With It

Ever notice that when God has something to teach us he seems to use a whole bunch of methods at once to really drive the point home? A couple weeks ago, I was having a particularly hard day. Dan has been working really long days, and I was just tired. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I just could not keep up.

I stood there in the kitchen, and broke down in tears. I was hurrying, stressed, and grouchy with Logan. Most of all I was frustrated with myself. So I prayed... "It is just too much. Show me what is most important." Then I waited and was quiet. I spent some time reading the Bible that afternoon, as well as a Christian parenting book. When I searched for the things that are most important to God when it comes to parenting, they seemed to boil down to two words... love them.

We love as we cuddle.
We love as we teach.
We love as we discipline.
We love as we cook.
We love them, so that they learn to love others and love God.

It was genuinely freeing when I realized that everything important fell under those two words.
My mental to-do list wasn't so stifling when it became just two words long.

It hit me that God didn't mind how many sippy cups were on the floor of the car.
He was okay with the fact that there was food dried to the kitchen counters.
He didn't mind that I was running around late... again.
And for just a little while... my stress faded and I could focus on what was most important again.

Then, I woke up the next morning, and in true mom fashion... forgot everything that I had learned the day before. So God has just kept reminding me over the past few weeks, until finally I decided I should write it all down for myself... and for you too, just in case you need the lesson as much as I do.

One of the books I have been reading lately is called For The Love by Jen Hatmaker. It is all about grace in a world of very high standards. So far (I am not finished with it quite yet) it has been exactly what I have needed at this point in life.

Here is a quote that I loved...

"Sisters, Can you imagine a world where we could be free enough to tell the truth? Letting hard things be hard, and confusing things be confusing? If we fought the instinct to prop things up, to polish, and tilt, and arrange the pieces in just the right lighting, we would be free. We could all exhale."

I know that I write a lot about the good things in life. I post about how happy we are. I post a few a million pictures of fun memories with the boys. And if I am being honest, I rarely share about the really tough times. I know I am truly blessed. I am thankful for the life we have, and want others to know just how thankful I am for what I have been given.

However, I recently heard that one of people I love most thought that I hardly ever seemed stressed out, and that my house was clean and peaceful whenever she came over. I realized that I am not as honest about things as I need to be. Maybe my fear of coming off like I am complaining, has masked the truth of how hard life can get.

So I hugged her, and told her I am stressed about 98% of the time. I told her the only reason my house seemed clean is because she usually calls before she stops over. I told her I clean so that her kids aren't eating the 3 day old cheerios off of the floor. I clean first because our house is small, and we have a bunch of kids between the two of us. I assured her that if she wants to stop in at random someday she will find the same mess that she stresses about at her own house, probably even worse. Four year olds tend to drag laundry into the kitchen. They leave food in the couch cushions. None of us have perfect lives, or houses, and that's okay. There are more important things in life.

When I post about all of the wonderful things happening in life, it is true. I am blessed. But there are also tears, and arguments. When I post about how we got out for a family run, we probably ate pb&j or leftovers for dinner. When I post a picture of the boys' clean room, we are probably hanging out in there because I am avoiding the mountain of laundry on our bed.

God knows what we can handle. Sometimes I think he gives us not what we can handle, but what he can handle. He wants us to be giving it to him when life feels too hard. He wants us to need him. It's okay to decide what is most important, and only get that done. It is even okay when we fail at that. We are human, and never stop messing up. There is beauty in that though, because it makes us fall flat on our faces before Jesus in humility.

So if you wonder how everyone else is juggling everything, they are not. If you wonder why no one else seems to mess up as catastrophically as you do, they do. If someone seems to be doing great in one area, they are struggling in another. And that's okay because we all just need a little grace.