2 months

     Logan's two month doctors visit was today. He is now 12lbs 1oz and 23in long....growing fast! He was in an awesome mood when we got there. He was all smiles... until they did the vaccines. I knew I would have a hard time with it but I think his reaction made it even harder. Some people have told me that when babies are this young lots of times they don't react at all. Others have told me that is was hard for them to watch too. I wasn't sure what to expect but it broke my heart when his little face turned bright red/purple and he SCREAMED (with real tears streaming down for the first time). I think most of it is because he hasn't screamed from pain before and all I wanted to do is get rid of what was hurting him. So anyway, as ridiculous as this might sound I will admit it... I cried too. Most of my time is spent trying to keep him happy, healthy, and comfortable and it was so hard watching him hurt. I think the hardest part of all was realizing that for the rest of his life things will hurt him and many of them I will have no control over. It makes me feel vulnerable to love someone so much and know that I will have to watch him go through tough times.

     The appointment made me think of something I read a while back on the Internet. I can't think of exactly where I got it from now but it talked about God's relationship with us. It mentioned how babies and toddlers may not understand why their parents would bring them to a place that would hurt them like the doctors. Now I am not planning on debating all of the vaccines here but overall most parents believe that they help more than the chance of them harming. So the point is that we allow or children to hurt in order to prevent something worse from happening in the future. God allows us to go through hard times, and learning periods but he is watching in complete love for us. He wants the best for us and is waiting right there with his arms wide open. I know that all I wanted to do is hold Logan and comfort him. It took a while in order for him to even calm down enough to eat but he is sleeping soundly now. I love knowing that God only wants the best for us even through the hard times, and that he is broken hearted for us when we hurt too. I know the two situations are hardly comparable but it was a good reminder for me.

He was still a little fussy tonight so I gave him some tylenol. Hopefully after a good nights sleep he wont even feel it at all! :)