Seven Things That I Wish I Knew About The Little Years Before Becoming A Mother

We are about a month away from welcoming our third little boy into the world, which is both exciting and terrifying at times. I can't wait to meet him and see how he changes our lives. Watching Eli and Logan together has been one of my favorite parts of being a mother, and I can't wait to see their relationship with their new brother grow too.

This last 4-6 weeks has me thinking a lot about my other births, the boys' newborn days, and motherhood in general. I have been thinking about some things that I didn't know before having my babies. They are things that I learned with experience, as I am sure I will learn a million more lessons throughout these years of motherhood. I wanted to share a few of them here on the blog and would love to hear your thoughts.

• Nothing can prepare you for how sad the first vaccinations are (if vaccinating is something that you choose of course). When Logan was only about a month old, we brought him to one of his appointments, knowing that we planned to vaccinate. However, I was totally unprepared for watching him be shocked with pain for the first time in his little life. I still remember staring at his tiny face as he recognized that he had just been poked with something sharp. I cried more than he did at that appointment, which was a little humiliating (gotta love those postpartum hormones). I learned not to watch their facial reaction when Eliott came along, but those first vaccinations are still hard to get through. Plan to treat yourself to a coffee after that first appointment.

• Whether you loved or hated breastfeeding, it is always hard when it is over. I would put myself somewhere in the middle on the how I feel about breastfeeding scale. I have never loved it, but for the most part didn't totally hate it either. I did it because I was able (though it was a struggle with my first), knew that it was good for the baby, and saved a lot of money. Both of my babies weaned around a year old, and I never expected to feel so many emotions about them being done. Both times it was so bittersweet. It was a freeing feeling, followed by sadness about that being one of the last baby milestones into toddlerhood. Something about knowing I would never look down at that particular baby while nursing again was a little heart wrenching.

• There are constantly decisions that you make as a parent that have no right or wrong answer, but you will still have to choose. I remember really believing that every little thing I would have to decide as a parent would be mentioned in the Bible somewhere, or talked about by someone I admired so much that I would follow suit, or that I would just have a super strong conviction about. I quickly realized that not everything is that spelled out when it comes to parenting. You just have to decide some things based on your situation and each individual child. Then you hope that you made the right choice, and move on to make the next choice. Sometimes you will feel guilty even if you believe it was really what was right for your family or child. Some examples would be bottle/ breastfeeding, vaccines/delayed vaccines/ no vaccines, cloth or disposable diapers, binky/ or no binky, and those are just things that will come up in the first few months. Pray, do your research, talk to your spouse about it, and give it your best shot with as much confidence as you can muster.

• You will likely at some point in your motherhood journey, be the woman standing in line with the screaming toddler. Before I had kids I don't think it was so much that I judged those moms, I just thought that I would never be one of them. For some reason I thought that as long as my children had rules, boundaries, and punishments at home, then they would never dare act like that in public. The problem with that theory is that two year olds actually are their own little human, and not some kind of a robot. They are still learning and have very little self control. There have been so many times that I have messed up and lost my temper as a mom, that it is amazing to me that there was a time that I thought my own children would always know better. I will add, that I believe the actions we take toward those toddler outbursts greatly impact how often they happen as the toddler grows into a little man or lady. But expecting to never be that mom? Insanity. So if you happen to witness this type of outburst as a random bystander, my best advice is to show grace. Either offer a helping hand or a kind smile, or ignore the situation altogether, but try your best not to be quick to judge someone else's situation.

• Quiet time, me time, hobby time, or whatever else you want to call it, truly make you a better and more patient mother.  This is one that I still struggle with to this day. I don't always take the time during the day that I need in order to recharge. I have learned though, that a few minutes with coffee and a devotional book before the kids wake up in the morning go a long way. If you can't seem to carve that time out anywhere, a half hour of tv won't hurt your kids any, and could likely change how you relate to them for the entire day. Make a little time for yourself and your sanity, no matter how crazy your day is.

• You will love your second or third child just as much as you loved your first. I spent a lot of my second pregnancy watching my first play or sleep, and wondering how I could possibly love another little person as much as I loved him. Then for me, it was an instant love. The first time I held my second baby in my arms it was like he had always belonged there. It is like the scene in The Grinch, when his heart instantly grows. Each child will have a different personality, which may make your relationship with some more challenging than others for you, but you will love each of them the same as you loved your first.

• Kids will change your relationship with your spouse. I added this one here because even though there have been many times when we have very little patience with each other, when we disagree on something and have a hard time working through it, or the busy-ness of the season get to us; that is not the type of change that I am referring to here. I am talking about the respect, love, and admiration that instantly take over when you see your spouse hold your precious baby for the first time. There is nothing in the world like the bond of knowing that at the end of the day there is someone else just as excited by your little one's first smile, steps, words, or lost tooth. It is a bond that has brought us closer than I ever knew possible.

I love reading about what others have learned on their parenthood journey. You may totally get me on some of these points, or completely disagree. I would love to hear what changed for you after the reality of these little people came into our lives.